Happy Valentine’s Day， y’all

Our guide to surviving the holiday.

Betches sent this email to their subscribers on February 14, 2024.

Sadly, we now know better than to house three pocket-sized Fun Dips (dental insurance is expensive) and prefer a nice bottle of Cabernet over the Valentina Beanie Baby.But Valentine’s Day cards are still a thing. Maybe you’re not passing them out to your co-workers (not worth a meeting with HR), but you’re sending them to your friends, family and partners via DM on Instagram.

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The Valentine's Day Cards You Wish You Could Hand Out In 2024

Image: Betches

We’ve come up with\xa0the best 2024 pop culture inspired Valentine’s Day cards\xa0you’ll find. They’re particularly perfect to send to that guy you hooked up with a few weeks ago who you want to wish a\xa0happy Valentine’s Day\xa0and, like, see what he’s up to tonight without seeming super desperate. We got you covered.

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YOUR GUIDE TO...

Anatomy Of A Valentine's Day Instagram Post

Image: Betches

For those who need a little more help deciphering these cryptic messages found in passive aggressive captions,here is a\xa0breakdown of the typical relationships you’ll find on Valentine’s Day. If you know what to look for, the whole world (the private lives of acquaintances) will open up to you. Go forth and be careful with this immense power!

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READ THIS

Every Single Unfiltered Thought I Have During My Daily Workout\xa0

In partnership withPlanet Fitness

Image: Planet Fitness

IDK about you, but the hardest part about working out, for me, is picking out what to wear. And, you know, silencing the 825,000 thoughts that cross my mind between the time I get dressed and arrive at the gym. Like, do I remember how to do a squat? Can I work out with that cute trainer, or will it bankrupt me? (Hint: free fitness training is included with your membership atPlanet Fitness.) What else am I thinking?Read the rest of my unfiltered thoughts throughout my workout and commiserate along with me.\xa0

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WATCH THIS

The Best Early '00s Valentine's Day TV Episodes

Image: Fox/NBC/The CW

This holiday, I’m embracing nostalgia and presenting you with the very best early ‘00s\xa0Valentine’s Day TV episodes. I’m wishing you a day filled with chocolates, flowers, delightful TV, and hopefully no men who aren’t fictional.

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SPICE IT UP

Sexy Ways To Change It Up On Valentine's Day So You Don't Binge Netflix Again

Image: Pexels

It doesn’t matter if you’re\xa0spending your V-Day with a longterm partner, the love of your life, or the situationship you’ve brainwashed into celebrating the holiday with (congrats, btw this means they’re\xa0definitely\xa0about to commit).You can try out these\xa0sexy Valentine’s Day activities\xa0to celebratethe day the way that the lord intended — getting rammed from behind on a bed of rose petals.\xa0

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