If you are functioning as though it’s a normal Friday today, I hope you’re having a nice afternoon. The rest of us are no where near physically or emotionally recovered from Taylor Swift dropping TWO entire albums last night. There is so much to unpack and analyze, and then we get a whole-ass music video later tonight. There are no words to adequately sum up these Swiftie feelings, but we did our best.Read allllllllllll about The Tortured Poets Department. |
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A Formal Guide To All The 'Tortured Poets Department' Songs About Matty Healy |
It turns out, Matty Healy is by far the main character of\xa0The Tortured Poets Department.\xa0Tortured Poet No. 1 if you will. Now, many of us would say that’s giving him too much credit — this man is literally famous for being toxic. But evidently, Taylor sees (or saw) a lot in him that we don’t. Apparently, what we thought was a one-month fling was actually the most serious and intense relationship ever, and it kind of ruined Blondie. She gets more honest than she’s ever been on this album, so stans are really getting a window into that romance. \xa0 It’s the question on every Swiftie’s mind, so we might as well address it now:\xa0Which\xa0TTPD\xa0songs are about Matty Healy? I’ve listened to the album about 5,000 times so far and have done a lot of reflecting on the subject. These are my thoughts… you might wanna prepare yourself. Sure, it’s all speculation, buta lot of these lyrics are extremely telling. |
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Every Horny Lyric In "The Tortured Poets Department" About Taylor's Sex Life |
When you think of a Taylor Swift song, the word “raunchy” isn’t usually one that immediately comes to mind. Sure, she sings a\xa0lot\xa0about lovers and romance, but it’s usually about how in love she feels or how devastatingly heartbroken she is. But in\xa0The Tortured Poets Department, you see a few sides of Taylor you’ve never seen before. \xa0 Okay, we’re not quite at “WAP” level sex lyrics just yet, but for Taylor? Some of these lyrics push the envelope a bit. Did we need to know how\xa0horny she was for Matty Healy? Probably not, but we should know by now that everything we learn aboutcelebrities’ sex liveswill be against our will. Here are all the\xa0TTPD\xa0songs with sex referencesfor all you horny Swifties out there.\xa0 |
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A Swiftie's Top 10 'Tortured Poets Department' Songs Ranked |
Swifties have been waiting for\xa0The Tortured Poets Department\xa0for exactly two months and two weeks since Taylor announced it at the Grammys.\xa0Back then, all we had were our hopes and dreams, and a few unhinged theories. Was the album\xa0inspired by Joe’s Tortured Man group chat? Were we getting a “I can’t believe my Travy made it to the big game” football love song? RIP to the AI version of “Fortnight,” which was frankly a bop. After agonizing over all the possible sounds and subject matters, we’ve finally arrived at release day and are getting all our ridiculous questions answered. \xa0 If I had to sum up how I’m feeling in two words, it would be… depressed and confused. The Joe content was to be expected at least, but\xa0the Matty content is genuinely shocking. The loss of her life! But Daddy I Love\xa0Matty! We really couldn’t have seen\xa0this\xa0album coming, considering we decided to forget about Matty. A lot of the lyrics about both Brits are beyond my reading comprehension level, some are pointedly millennial, and all the devastating heartbreak content is just too much. We must take time to process and reflect. As a Swiftie who’s been here since “Teardrops On My Guitar,”here’s a\xa0formal ranking of my fave vulnerable songs onThe Tortured Poets Department: The Anthology.\xa0All other rankings are wrong. |
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Taylor Has A Whole-Ass Song About Kim K And It's A Cultural Reset |
Image: Kevin Mazur/MTV1415 via Getty Images |
On a\xa0Taylor Swift album, anyone can get caught in the line of fire… and I mean\xa0anyone. On the surprise second album Taylor released withThe Tortured Poets Department, she has a song called “thanK you aIMee,” and it’s pretty obvious thesong is about Kim Kardashian\xa0and the years-long drama the two have. I mean, she even spells Kim’s name out in the name title. It’s giving Britney Spears’ “If U Seek Amy.” \xa0 |
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