If you spent your Sunday evening blissfully unaware of the Golden Globes, good for you. What’s it like being offline? Do you hear birds chirping? Feel the sun on your face? Get the fuck out of here! I, on the other hand, spent my time aggressively scrolling on the internet like a little pop culture gremlin, which is unfortunately why I heard *that* dumb joke about\xa0Barbie. And listen, at the end of the day, it’s not that I’m pissed… I’m just bored as fuck. |
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I’m Not Pissed About *That* ‘Barbie' Joke — I’m Just Bored As Fuck |
Image: Golden Globes 2024 via Getty Images |
If at this point you’ve blocked out\xa0Jo Koy’s Golden Globes opening monologue\xa0like it was a bad dream (fair), I broke it down for you: “Oppenheimer\xa0is based on a 721-page Pulitzer Prize-winning book about the Manhattan Project, and\xa0Barbie\xa0is on a plastic doll with big boobies.” Let’s stop here before I go on (because yes, there’s more to this trainwreck). Big boobies?! I’m sorry, last time I checked the calendar it’s 2024, not 2004. Did Seth MacFarlane and/or a 12-year-old freshly exposed to Google search write this joke? My entire being shuddered when the punchline relied on comparing the manly bomb movie to the silly pink girl movie. Gotta love a critic!\xa0\xa0 |
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A Betchy Ranking Of The 'Real Housewives Of Salt Lake City' Reunion Looks |
The only thing I love more than watching the drama unfold during aHousewives\xa0reunionis hearing Andy Cohen either compliment the women’s outfits or give them that half-grin and ask about their outfit choice (if he’s questioning “the thought process behind the look,” it means it’s bad). After the ex💣plo💣sive💣 \xa0season four finale,the\xa0Real Housewives of Salt Lake City\xa0reunion\xa0is primed to make some reality TV herstory. \xa0 We have a lot of\xa0lingering questions following the finale, but we know there’s nothing more pressing than finding out our Betchy breakdown of this season’s reunion outfits. |
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The 'Mean Girls' Premiere Red Carpet Brings Me Back To 2004 |
Grab your jean skirt, Von Dutch hat, as many graphic tees as you can get your hands on, and get ready to party like it’s 2004!\xa0The\xa0Mean Girls\xa0musical movie\xa0premiered on January 8, and stars new and old showed up on the (obviously) pink carpet in New York City.\xa0Lindsay Lohan\xa0was there, people. Nature is healing. Literally, seeing Lindsay strut her stuff looking truly better than ever is doing more things for my skin than any \\$75 bottle of retinol has ever done. \xa0 The new movie stars\xa0Reneé Rapp, who played Regina George\xa0in the musical’s Broadway run, Auliʻi Cravalho, Christopher Briney, Jaquel Spivey, Bebe Wood, and Avantika. Busy Phillipps, Jon Hamm, and Jenna Fischer play the main adults in the movie, and Ashley Park, who was Gretchen Wieners in the Broadway show, plays a French teacher. Tina Fey reprises her iconic role as Ms. Norbury and Tim Meadows is once again portraying Principal Duvall. Let’s be real, no one could top these two. And all of them brought their A-game to the\xa0big\xa0Mean Girls\xa0premiere night,\xa0proving that Fetch is, indeed, still a thing. |
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Everything You Missed At This Year's Golden Globes |
The best part about\xa0this year’s Golden Globes\xa0has nothing to do with the show itself. It’s a sad truth, but it’s becoming increasingly harder to GAF about what’s happening on stage. It’s all about the moments when the stars don’t realize they’re being filmed. Essentially, it’s like a wild life documentary. It’s way more interesting to watch a bear catch a salmon with its giant paws then it is to see one at the circus. So, we raise our glasses to you, commercial cameraman! Thank you for getting us those small, behind-the-scenes moments that show us what Hollywood is really about!\xa0The moments you missed at this year’s Golden Globes\xa0are top tier. At watercoolers across the nation, people are talking about the\xa0Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez gossip session\xa0waaaaaayyy more than they’re discussing who won for Best Original Score. We’re living for the\xa0Kylie and Timothée\xa0of it all, and did you see\xa0Taylor’s face when Jo Koy made that lame-ass joke? These are the moments that matter. |
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OMG EW! There’s A Jacob Elordi Bathwater Candle *Adds To Cart* |
If you’re reading this story, I assume you’ve already watched\xa0the bathtub scene in\xa0Saltburn. You know the one. I saw it about two weeks ago and the image of Barry Keoghan licking/inhaling Jacob Elordi’s bathtub is still deeply engrained into my mind. But what might even be weirder than that image, is the fact that there is now a\xa0Jacob Elordi Bathwater Soy Candle you can buy. That’s right, you can impress your loved ones and guests with the relaxing and not-at-all disturbing scent of Jacob butt nakey taking a bath while creeper Barry watches. FUCKING EWWWW, RIGHT? *adds to cart* \xa0 There were a lot of WTF moments in\xa0Saltburn\xa0— the vampire scene, the graveyard, the FUCKING ENDING!!! — but nothing took the cake quite like that bathtub scene, IMO. If you want to buy the candle to have a lil bit of Jacob with you at all times, you can shop it below. (I promise we won’t judge — TBH, I just ordered five.) |
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